Apparently pushing the pedestrian button does nothing and life is a lie

2 min read

Wait... WHAT?!

Do you ever get the feeling that your freedom is an illusion and the concept that you are the master of your own destiny is a big fat lie?

Well guess what! That sounds about right my fellow subservient friends!

The latest sovereignty myth to be exposed in this elaborate simulation is the pedestrian button.

Since time immemorial, man has pressed that pedestrian button repeatedly in accordance with the implied equation: The higher the frequency and force with which one presses the button, the sooner one will be given the green light to cross the road. It was basic, broadly-accepted, mathematics.

But soon we got wiser. We found that a single, gentle push of the button delivered the same outcome as the aggressively impatient physical assault of said inanimate object.

Or so we thought.

Well if Sydney’s traffic system is any indication of how the world works, it turns out that pushing the pedestrian does absolutely nothing at all the vast majority of the time.

Since 1994, those “green men” at all intersections across the Sydney CBD have been set to “automated pedestrian phases” that disable the button signals from 7am to 7pm on Monday to Thursday, and from 7am to 9pm on Friday.

So for most of our lives it is merely being used as an outlet for our impatience to keep us from jaywalking. The deceit!

Most of your Saturday button-pressing is futile as well, as the buttons are merely decorative at busy intersections from 8:30am to 9pm across the city. According to a Transport for NSW spokeswoman there are automatic phases running anywhere it’s considered necessary so there you have it your independence is a lie.

Except on Sundays! The button is apparently active on Sundays! Unless that’s a lie too! Who knows at this point?

Image: Getty

Written By Sophie Giles